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Foreword
If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it.
– Toni Morrison, Novelist
The true meaning of life has been discussed, debated and argued since the dawn of the human race. How can we ensure that our lives will have a lasting impact or that our legacy will not be reduced to a mere biographical sketch or a few lines on a resume? It is human nature to shy away from raising weighty and high-stakes questions for fear of the answer, or lack thereof. But it is not my nature to be afraid to probe into intimidating issues.
Instead, I believe in navigating life wherever it takes you and making an effort to play a leading role in one’s destiny. Doing so not only reveals your character but can be the driving force in how you understand the meaning of life, instilling you with the confidence to continue on your chosen path.
If you decide to be a navigator, you’ll find out who you are and what you’re truly capable of and learn that failure is temporary. I subscribe to the thinking that you may win sometimes and lose sometimes, but if you steer your life with intention, you shall always remain undefeated.
To think in an average way, to act average, and to live an average life was never my cup of tea. My mindset is mostly geared toward making things happen rather than watching things happen. I was always interested in creating, building, or making amazing things—things that often appear to others to be almost impossible or even impossible, things that have never been done, and what an average person would not even think of taking on.
“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” —Bruce Lee
In consistently trying to be captain of my life, I found out how to give 200 percent—the 100 percent effort I always knew I had in me, plus another 100 percent I never thought I had. I’ve discovered my mental and physical capacity to complete 10,000 “kicks” if I have to.
Being an inadequate swimmer as a teenager, I attempted to cross a river and almost drowned. I changed countries discovering America on October 8, 1979, after spending over 30 plus of my life in the Soviet Union. I was fired from two jobs. I survived four car accidents (only one was my fault) where the vehicles were totaled. I have made significant amounts of money and then lost it, skirting bankruptcy. I was never intimidated by learning hard lessons the hard way. Even when I was younger and less mature, when I was told I had a one percent probability of success, my response was, “So, you’re telling me I have a chance to succeed.”
I could never reconcile with the idea that adversity is bigger than me. By traditional standards, I’ve always aspired to excessive heights, so much so that some people thought this mindset made me meshuggeneh(Yiddish for “nonsensical” or “crazy”).
Many people have often told me that I’m not kukvse (Russian for “not like all”), and I’ve been asked, “When are you finally going to get it?” My answer is – probably never. I always thought that getting it would convince me of my limitations. One day, I realized that I adhere intuitively to the extremely challenging concept that if it’s not good, it doesn’t count.
I’ve kept going against the flow repeatedly, transforming my life after 50 years of age—physically, intellectually, professionally, socially, psychologically, and emotionally. Some people—men, especially—are nice but not tough; other men are tough but not nice. I don’t wish to be only nice or only tough: I want the best of both worlds—to be nice and tough in equal parts.
I’ve stumbled into uncharted waters and found out that I have the power to overcome intellectual, physical, psychological, and emotional obstacles to continue this formidable journey.
As I kept realizing the magnitude and impact of my discoveries, I sometimes felt the gigantic task might crush me; this undertaking was too much for one person. But time after time, I got back on my feet.
I made a concerted effort to take spousal coping out of my marriage, and it became challenging to keep it intact when my new life began. My wife, Rahya, at exceedingly grueling times, managed to readjust the frame of her conventional wisdom to keep the marriage intact. I’ve appreciated that she’s been making a considerable effort to reset her conventional beliefs and has been adjusting to the idea of learning how to live with a new Lyonya (Russian for “Lenny”) and let the old Lyonya go.
Living with problems was always very hard for me. I cannot dwell on them without action, regardless of the difficulty. On a positive note, I’m improving my ability to pick when to take my shots, as opposed to my early life when I tried to be everybody and everything. I think I’m more patient now and can better accept people’s limitations. My daunting passage through unknown territory enabled me to harness resilience from within and then use it to motivate people as they face mighty obstacles.
My unconventional thinking was often labeled as “strange” Where do you find a mentor to guide changing the world to revise centuries-old notions? I don’t say these mentors don’t exist, but I have never met one. For that reason, I have never had a mentor among professional colleagues, business partners, family members or friends and everybody in between.
Speaking about friends, I think a good definition of “friend” — you know your friend has taken a wrong course of action, and you let them reach this conclusion independently and make things right.
I’ve always lived in the discomfort zone, which has become a way of living at later stages of my life (ne prosto tuk, Russian for “not as simple as that or uncommon way of living”). I stay reasonably uncomfortable most of the time. I’m often characterized as abnormal; on the flip side, following normalcy is a voluntary surrender to uncover one’s potential capabilities. This underscores that the mindset of very successful people is very different from a moderately successful person. However, as you go through the book, you will find that many current practices discussed are incomplete, which means I bring alternative arguments to almost everything.
To some people, I’m too stubborn and argumentative. A philosophical debate on this issue may end without a conclusive answer for drawing a line between stubbornness and a stance for one’s principles. “Normal” people, for various reasons, do not challenge themselves or present new ideas to the world, and they would never find a true meaning to their strengths and weaknesses.
I agree with Warren Buffet that “the difference between very successful people and successful people are that very successful people say no to almost everything.”
This way of living to employ my unconventional mindset has improved my understanding, elevated my maturity, and given me the courage to change things, the serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed, and the wisdom to understand differences. In my view, the balancing act, when come-to-the-fore, step back or staying put, is a major life milestone for everyone’s goal to achieve.